I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
