Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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