I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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