i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
