I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
