You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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