She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
