What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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