pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize