Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
