my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
