he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
