Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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