I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
