So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
