Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
