it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just pee around me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Randomize
