windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize