just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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