Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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