So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
