You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize