im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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