I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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