the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
