he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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