I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize