im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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