u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
