your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
