i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize