Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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