She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize