dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize