In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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