Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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