her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
