Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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