My hand turned me down
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
