my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
