its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
