He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
