The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
