I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
