Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There's even glitter on my cock...
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