You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
