Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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