So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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