Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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