Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm way too hungover for life right now
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
