Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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