I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
