i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is wine microwaveable?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
