also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
