this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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