Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I looked at my own cervix.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Randomize
