I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
