It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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