Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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