The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
