To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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