my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
