Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
