Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
