dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
