jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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