ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
