so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Vodka?
Forever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
