Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
