I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
