sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
then he tried to convert me to islam
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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