I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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